Running From What?

After a long, exhausting weekend of basically chasing my tail, I had an aha! moment. Every weekend, I start on Friday, looking for something to do to keep from being home, alone, in front of the TV. I call my friends and family searching for someone to do something with me. I usually end up riding around doing much of nothing and spending money I really don't have to spend. Today, I asked myself this "Why is it you can't be at home, alone and be at peace? What exactly is it that you are running away from?" The more I thought about it, I realized that being at home had become an irritation to me because I didn't like being alone and I had allowed some things to get out of hand. Instead of running away, why didn't I just change the things I didn't like? AHA! can I actually change the things I don't like about being at home? You bet I can. So here is my experiment, this weekend I will stay home. Friday night, I clean house, with music, instead of the tv. Saturday morning, make myself a nice breakfast with eggs, crossoints, fresh fruit, coffee and juice and serve myself on the patio. I will take the day as it comes. If something to do presents itself, then I will go with it, if not I will spend the day praying, reading, studying and catching up with myself. What I will not do is have conversations with people that I really don't want to talk to, I will not stress myself out, to the point of wanting to run away, over things which I have no control. And, I will have a great, restful weekend!

Surrendering

This morning I had an occasion to get really upset over something my son is doing. But today, instead of getting upset and allowing the enemy to win, I made a conscious choice. I choose to pray and let God handle this one. So right here, right now I surrender the care and concern that is trying to steal my peace over my son, up to you Lord. May your Grace and Mercy cover him. May wisdom be his friend. Because I know that there is not anything too hard for you, I release him into your care. Thank you for giving me peace right now, in the name of Jesus. Lord, I know that he does not even recognize the direction that he is going, but you do. The snares and traps that the enemy has set for him will not prosper. I trust you Lord. I know that you are well able to keep that which I commit unto you. I thank you for the peace that passeth all understanding.

Epiphany

Because I had been struggling with so many problems or what the bible calls "diverse" trials, I made a decision to get back to doing the things that I had done in the beginning of my walk of faith. I decided that I would set my alarm clock for 5:00 am, rise early to pray and spend some quiet time with God. The only problem was that after making the decision, I absolutely could not get up! For some strange reason I would awaken around 4 am!!! I would force myself to try to get back to sleep and by the time I finally dosed off, the alarm would ring for my 5 am wake-up and I would be exhausted. So I ended up going back to sleep and not getting up again until time to get dressed for work. And then the guilt would set in!!. This morning in the shower, I had an epiphany!! It occurred to me that perhaps the Lord wanted to meet with me on His time and not mine, especially since He was the one doing the waking! So tomorrow, when He touches me, regardless of what the clock says, I will rise a great while before day and meet my father in the garden.

A Whole Year

It is amazing to me that it has been almost a whole year since my last post! So much has happened, but so little has changed. I just recently celebrated my 49th birthday and had to take a long hard look at myself and my life. If ever there was time for a change, that time is now. So, once again, I set out on a journey to change what is not right with my life. I ask the Lord to lead me and guide me. Let me not lean to my own understanding. I truly recognize that apart from Him, I can do nothing. Thank you God for keeping me, my mind, my heart and more importantly my soul. Help me to release those things to you that are beyond my ability. Yes, Lord, I trust you! I am grateful that my life belongs to you and even though I don't always follow, I stray and stumble under my own will, I do love you! Forgive me and help me. Not my will, but thy will be done.

It Could Be Worse

After a telephone conversation with my niece this morning, something occurred to me, it really could be worse. These past few weeks have been extremely trying for me. Work has been almost overwelming, but thank God, I have a job. My financial situation is really getting frightening, but God continues to provide. My oldest son has brought on himself (and on me) some serious trouble, but he is still alive and I can go visit him. At times, I am lonely and would love to have a companion, someone to share my life with, but God has provided great friends and family to keep me otherwise occupied and entertained. I have made some bad decisions and some poor choices as well, but my God is the God of mercy and grace and he has granted me forgiveness and peace. For that I am thankful. He is keeping me and His word says " I will perfect that which concerns thee" That means he will make perfect, everything that I am concerned about!!! Halleluiah!! Dem is shouting words!!! Oops! (Slipped back into ebonics). Selah

Write The Pain

My hearts aches! Aches for my sons and aches for myself! What do you do when all you want to do is curl up into a big ball of self pity! Once again, I look to my faith! Like Nehemiah, I turn my face to the wall and wait for the only one who is able to deliver!

What Goes On

I cannot always control what goes on outside, but I can control what goes on inside.

I am trying to teach myself to be aware of my thought process because the thoughts ultimately determines how I feel about what is going on around me. I have really been struggling with my youngest son lately and I am trying to handle things differently because what I have been doing has not worked! My goal for today and everyday is to keep my peace. No more screaming, pushing, prodding and basically trying to force my will on Sammie. Have I decided to take the path of least resistance? No, I have decided to get out of the way and let God work in this situation. I know that He can handle it!