Epiphany

Because I had been struggling with so many problems or what the bible calls "diverse" trials, I made a decision to get back to doing the things that I had done in the beginning of my walk of faith. I decided that I would set my alarm clock for 5:00 am, rise early to pray and spend some quiet time with God. The only problem was that after making the decision, I absolutely could not get up! For some strange reason I would awaken around 4 am!!! I would force myself to try to get back to sleep and by the time I finally dosed off, the alarm would ring for my 5 am wake-up and I would be exhausted. So I ended up going back to sleep and not getting up again until time to get dressed for work. And then the guilt would set in!!. This morning in the shower, I had an epiphany!! It occurred to me that perhaps the Lord wanted to meet with me on His time and not mine, especially since He was the one doing the waking! So tomorrow, when He touches me, regardless of what the clock says, I will rise a great while before day and meet my father in the garden.

A Whole Year

It is amazing to me that it has been almost a whole year since my last post! So much has happened, but so little has changed. I just recently celebrated my 49th birthday and had to take a long hard look at myself and my life. If ever there was time for a change, that time is now. So, once again, I set out on a journey to change what is not right with my life. I ask the Lord to lead me and guide me. Let me not lean to my own understanding. I truly recognize that apart from Him, I can do nothing. Thank you God for keeping me, my mind, my heart and more importantly my soul. Help me to release those things to you that are beyond my ability. Yes, Lord, I trust you! I am grateful that my life belongs to you and even though I don't always follow, I stray and stumble under my own will, I do love you! Forgive me and help me. Not my will, but thy will be done.

It Could Be Worse

After a telephone conversation with my niece this morning, something occurred to me, it really could be worse. These past few weeks have been extremely trying for me. Work has been almost overwelming, but thank God, I have a job. My financial situation is really getting frightening, but God continues to provide. My oldest son has brought on himself (and on me) some serious trouble, but he is still alive and I can go visit him. At times, I am lonely and would love to have a companion, someone to share my life with, but God has provided great friends and family to keep me otherwise occupied and entertained. I have made some bad decisions and some poor choices as well, but my God is the God of mercy and grace and he has granted me forgiveness and peace. For that I am thankful. He is keeping me and His word says " I will perfect that which concerns thee" That means he will make perfect, everything that I am concerned about!!! Halleluiah!! Dem is shouting words!!! Oops! (Slipped back into ebonics). Selah

Write The Pain

My hearts aches! Aches for my sons and aches for myself! What do you do when all you want to do is curl up into a big ball of self pity! Once again, I look to my faith! Like Nehemiah, I turn my face to the wall and wait for the only one who is able to deliver!

What Goes On

I cannot always control what goes on outside, but I can control what goes on inside.

I am trying to teach myself to be aware of my thought process because the thoughts ultimately determines how I feel about what is going on around me. I have really been struggling with my youngest son lately and I am trying to handle things differently because what I have been doing has not worked! My goal for today and everyday is to keep my peace. No more screaming, pushing, prodding and basically trying to force my will on Sammie. Have I decided to take the path of least resistance? No, I have decided to get out of the way and let God work in this situation. I know that He can handle it!

Learning to Dance in The Rain

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain"

This quote came to me via email when I need it most. For the past year, not only has it been raining, it has been storming. Torrential winds and pelting rain that threatened to overtake me, but praise God, not only did it not overtake me, but it taught me how to dance in the rain. The rain has not completely stopped, but it seems to be letting up. Now that I have learned to dance, I think I'll just keep dancing. Want to join me?

Pins & Needles

Here I sit on pins and needles, anxiously awaiting, with my stomach in knots, on a decision from the judge. Why knots you ask? I wish I knew. No matter the decision, there are certain things that will not change. I will still have to work to support myself and my son. I will need to either find somewhere to live or figure out a way to stay where I am. I will still be making all of the decisions in my household and I will still be responsible for paying the bills. Imagine that, I have no reason for my stomach to be in knots. I guess I'll go eat lunch then!